I should have every reason to be happy right now and just in this blissful ball of happiness but my mind just continues to worry about little things that don't matter at all because nothing has really changed about us at all. I feel happy. I want to bbe happy. I want to be normal but my normal is freaking out about things that I obviously didn't do wrong but I still feel like I'm not good enough or that I don't do anything right. That I can't make her happy which is all I want. My mind is so fucked up its beyond repair I can't even being to understand why I still look for ways to not be happy. She makes me ridiculously happy. She sits there and is trying so hard to keep a smile on my face but as soon as she isn't by my side I break down I start to doubt myself not her. She is never the problem its me and my mission to never be happy. I can't explain it but its true nno matter what I do I'm always looking for a way to end up six feet under. But with her I drive safer I look both ways.... I look for ways to survive again. and that means walls lots of them have crumbled. They are gone. To be honest only one is left and that wall is all my inner thoughts, everything that pops into my head. I'm getting attached to her and that's all posion to my mind. I want her. I only want her. I want that long relationship with tons of cute dates and photos and blog post that are sp cute they make you want to puke. But as the title says my mind is set like a depressed psycho... Buh. Can I turn my mind off and just let my heart and body take over. Can I stop over thinking????
-breaking suffocation.
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