I have always felt like i've never been good enough and every single person i have risked my heart for has proven that I am not good enough. Every one has cheated on me at least once. If I was enough then they wouldnt cheat or start talking to other girls, or even look at them. I would be the only girl they see, the only one they want to kiss every day. And if they get drunk without me they wont go sleep with someone else because they cant because they just want to see me, so they call me and tell me that they miss me and they wish i was with them. If I was enough then i wouldnt have to constantly worry that they could find someone better in a heartbeat.
Sometimes, I just want to disappear and never try to find anyone special because well its not worth it. I always end up hurt in the end. I believe that one day I will be living alone and content with a couple of dogs, I say dogs because quite frankly i believe i am the only lesbian that honestly hates cats. I cant stand them.
Right now I am young and I know that I dont need to find my soul mate, my true love but it would be great to have someone around that i can cuddle with, i can sing to and dance around with in my underwear.
I want to be completely goofy with someone but also be able to have a serious, a real conversation with. I want to be able to sit around on the couch and watch movies one day and the next go out to the beach and skim board, play volleyball or Frisbee, we can kick the soccer ball around too. I want someone who will not be comfortable with me attempting all the dangerous things I do but they will sit there scared and watch. I just want a girl who i can go skate with even though im not the greatest at it right now. They can laugh at me when I fall but i want them to help me up afterward too. I just want someone that i can be completely comfortable with, actually scratch that I want a girl that will pull me out of my comfort zone, a girl that makes me see that my comfort zone has no limits.
I know that this seems like i want my soul mate but i really dont i just want someone who wont cheat on me because they think that i am worth something.
All I really am asking for is someone who will stick by me and only me... they wont have girls or guys on the side, they just want me and thats good enough for them.
I have been cheated on by way to many people, yet i stuck by them because i thought it was a one time thing, I saw the good in them the side that makes me want them in my life so i forgive them. Well, I am done with seeing only the good, in a relationship you have to see that bad too but to make the relationship work you need to see past it, recognize it, know that it is there but dont make it the only thing you see in them.
-Enemy Of My Soul.
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