Stop assuming you know how I feel.

 You think that you know exactly what I feel towards you all the time, and if you did you would realize I am helplessly in love with you. You would see that I want you back, I want us to be together. But today I had to tell you that I couldnt stick around, I cant watch you be with someone else, or want to be with someone else. I cant help you through all of your problems with that person. I cant just sit around and make this idea in my head that maybe if i help you enough you will see that I am the one who actually loves you and only wants the best for you. I cant hope that one day you will finally see that I have loved you from the very first day. I cant even write this right now because you just left for six months and now there isnt even a chance for me to just pass you in the mall randomly or see you at all. I just need to see you sometimes because it brings back everything that has ever happened. I am so sick of losing in this damn game that you play with me. I just want to finally win and i cant ever. baby, i miss you but i will never have you again and that makes me just want to scream.  I know that you left to figure everything out and focus on you but I just want you back in my arms. I want lay in bed with you and watch cheesy movies and hold you tight when we watch scary movies and fuck you right when we stop watching the movie. I want to just to want me back but I cant do anything about it ever. I have to give up all of these feelings that I have stored away for you. I have to throw away all the memories because I cant keep living in a fantasy world where one day we will be together. It wont happen. It cant because you always break my heart.

I love you Taylor. I do. I would drop the world for you, i would give everything up for just one more chance with you. I dont know why i suddenly am feeling this so strong. but I am and I have to learn to live with the fact that I cant talk or see you for six months, this is my choice but I hate it. I want to talk to you every day. I want to skype and see you. Okay I cant write anymore about this, its tearing me apart.

Im suffocating with all these emotions inside me.


I wish i could actually be
-Breaking suffocation.