I still have this feeling inside me. I'm never completely sure of what to do about it because sometimes it is quite intense. At times, it is all I can think about. Late at night or early in the morning, I find you running through my mind for such long periods of time. During the day, I'll zone out and you sit there in my mind reminding me of the times we shared. I continue to think about the days we spent together they were so wrong But they felt so right. My mind said to not get so close to not feel like I was melting when we kissed but I did, I let you in. Maybe I am tripping off of something and this, you, all of the memories are just an illusion. Somedays I envision you being mine again, like one day I will be able to be in your arms again. I start to think that all the amazing moments and the soft sweet kisses that made me melt, I start to want them back. I want you back. I want to go to the beach with you and watch the sunset. I want to play beer bong or just drink with you till we are sitting in a tent or on some random bench talking about what we want in life and our past and just random junk. I want to call you at one in the morning and tell you how much I miss you, I realize I could do this now but I want you to answer and say it back.
Ugh I have this feeling that months are going to pass and I'm still going to feel like this. Typing this now, thinking about it makes me feel as if I am going crazy. We didn't do anything. I barely know you. I have no true history with you. I shouldn't still be sitting here, pondering on what could have happened. I shouldnt be constantly thinking of you or relating things to you.
I went to drum circle tonight and I just saw you walking around where you had been you were around, I saw us standing on the beach, I saw us kiss. I saw us sitting on the towel watching the sunset, your arms wrapped around me, holding me tight, kissing my neck and whispering in my ear, saying how perfect I am, and that moment how perfect it was. I stood where we had sat and just felt your arms around my waste. I miss you like crazy. I hate this feeling, I hate feeling like I am crazy, insane... I hate feeling like I fell for a lie. That I built a fairytale in my head from the lies you produced from your beautiful head, they spoke from your Soft lips like they were true. I should have known that the thoughts of you and I together were just to good to be true.
You called me perfect and said that I was beautiful and you wanted us to work for a really long time, you said that we would never stop talking but look at us now. If I was so perfect, so beautiful and you truly wanted us to last for a long time, why did you cheat, what was so great about Taylor that makes you want to be with her and around her? What does she have that I don't? I mean I know I'm young, not much younger but the you in college, me in high school, makes things a bit complicated but we were complicated from the beginning.
I still think that you are amazing and wonderful. I still think good things about you but every now and then I think of how shitty you made me feel, but to be honest I just want to be okay with you again, I don't care about the bad shit, the good is a thousand times better then the bad. I still think of you as this great beautiful slightly insane amazing person.
I guess I am just hung up on you.
-enemy of my soul.
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