I am unsure that this is where I should be typing this either, maybe I cant figure out where to put it because well, I want to just keep quiet, I dont want my thoughts to be known, you get mad or sad or something when you read my thoughts, I am sorry that I have fucked up thoughts, if you were in my head you would cry. you would probably never ne able to speak again. Anyway not what I wanted to blog about...
I denyed you last night at first, I started the trouble and than stopped it, I dont know why I stopped it exactly, maybe its just cause when I lose trust or im having a shitty day or when I am just blah, I lack compassion, I lack the feelings that you need to have sex with your girlriend... I stopped it, I stopped it and i felt like shit, I felt like I fucked up like that wasnt okay, that I could lose you for such a small thing. I went outside and cried, gave myself a pep talk and new that I couldnt deny you..I had to let you do what you wanted. I couldnt just let all of that fustration go to bed, I had to get over my fears, I had to let them go, I had to just know that its you and not anyone else, that I am safe wrapped around you...that you wont hurt me and that you will stop if I really needed you too. I have to just let you in, let you in all the way, not care about you getting close, thats what that was last night, not allowing you to get close to me last night.
I cant write anything right now, I am way to tired and this blog post doesnt belong here, I dont know where it belongs, probably suffocating my mind, thats where it belongs. Where no one can have it.
-Breaking suffocation.
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