I am so aggravated.

I don't know where to type my feelings, I dont know what my feelings even are. All I know is I want to be in your arms, I want to feel you close, I want to hear your heartbeat, I want to hear your voice tell me that it is all going to be okay. I want your words to confirm that she is lying. I want to know that you actually love me, that this isnt just a game, I want to believe you I do, but she makes some vaild points. I tell you all the time that I love you and you say it back but do you tell your friends that you love me... You talk shit about Rosie, Ive heard it, she was your everything, you call me that now, is it just a matter of time before the shit talking starts. I hate to think this but will I end up just like Rosie, bitter and mad at you. You have a million girls on your dick, you tell me all the time... You could have any of them, I know that most of your time is spent here with me but you cant get mad at me for my thoughts, sometimes they wonder. You have my ring and that means so much, I never in the past would have given anyone a ring, Samie strived to get that ring, she wanted it so badly. You have, you are the one I want to settle down with, marry, buy a house, have children with, you are the one I want to spend all my days with. You are the one I want to grow old with. But I have these doubts, I dont want them. I want to see you in person, I want to talk this through, I want us to be okay but her words have just as much meaning as yours do. You could easily lie to me, you dont want people in our relationship, you are amazing at deleting text messages, you have so many girls that you could have, what makes me the one, what makes me so special that you arent talking to any of them, you mention them on the daily... like you have to make it clear that you could have anyone but you dont, you are with me, its like a pity thing, at least thats how I feel. I want the truth about Rosie, I want to know what she actually meant at one point, I want to know what you did with her, why she wouldnt date you. I want to know it all, I am tired of the damn lies, of the not knowing. I want to hear you say the damn words. I want you to tell me what you really feel. I am sorry that I feel like this, I am sorry there are doubts, I am sorry that I cant just trust you, I am sorry that I had to hear her out, I had to listen to her words. They mean something, that sounds bad but they do, all we have are words to believe in. I listened and heard what she had to say, she made points, points that I've thought before. I have given you everything, every once of love that I can.  I have given up so much for you. I have made plans with you, an apartement a 12 month commitment. I promised you that I will always be here, that I love you, that you are my everything, that one day I will marry you. You have all of me and I feel like I have nothing of yours. I tell you everything and if I dont its on my blog and you read about it, you find out by me some how. I tell you eventually if its not on my blog. Emily, I love you to death, I love you to the moon and back, I just have to make sure what you say and do with me is true. I just need to hear those words, I just want to hear those words, I want to be in your arms, feel your touch, kiss your lips... I just want to be around you. With you, I know that I am okay. Morgan cant be right, she cant, I cant feel this much with you not feeling anything. It doesnt work that way it doesnt. It cant. You love me, you care, you want this just as much as I do. You wouldnt lie to me, you wouldnt, you couldnt... I am right about this. We are true, this is true, its all okay. Shes wrong, I am right, you are right. I am hoping, I am praying that she is wrong.


-Breaking Suffocation.