Never have I...

There is a girl, she has been in my life for almost a year, with her things are different we tried dating but it doesnt work, that just leads me to believe that two people can be meant to fall in love but never be together. She literally could get me to do anything in this world, I would give up everything to be with her but I cant do that for someone again, I did that once and it turned out as me hating them and never wanting to speak to them again. I dont want that for this girl, I want her in my life forever, but the thing is, I have dated and had my fun, she just sits there waiting for me to finally be done and ready to settle down. I will never be ready to settle down, not any time soon at all.. In fact it was never a thing i wanted ever, I dont want marriage it just runs everything, it brings out hate inside you that you didnt know was even there. I love this girl, I really do and the last thing i want to do is hurt her, she is my world but i think she should move on because I am just a waste. I am never going to commit to one person, I am going to party and be wild. I have no want to stop and just be with one person. I want to give the world to her and letting her go she would have a lot more of the world than hanging on to something that may never happen because even though i love her, I will never give up who I am, I will never want to stop the random making out with random people. She literally makes me feel like the most terrible person whenever I date anyone or talk or do anything with anyone that isnt her, she makes the guilt hit ten times harder than it should. I cant live to please her if I dont want to and right now even though she is perfect and I want to be with her one day maybe if it were to work out, I still think that she should move on, do her own thing, because thats what i am doing... I am trying to figure out why if two people love each other why cant they be together, oh yeah thats right because that would be a fairytale movie and those dont actually happen in real life. I have to give up on the hope that may still be there because what if it is just false hope and she is holding on to nothing. It is killing her inside, and i cant be the reason her spirits die, I have to let her fly away, I have to stop hoping that one day this will all just fall into place because chances are they wont, they never will. They cant this is reality not a movie or some stupid storybook. We have to stop trying to make it work, we have to stop fighting at some point, I just think that the point should be now because I cant kill her slowly any more. I have to stop, I have to let her go because even though my heart and love may be with her... there is still the hope in me that Audrey will come back. That is sick and distrubing to think but Audrey stole what i gave to Samie, Audrey has what Samie wants. Audrey has me and she doesnt even want me. I have to see what could become of Audrey and I this summer... I have to get Audrey back... And until than I am school, work and no play because there isnt anyone that i want besides Audrey, I am sorry Samie I am but I have to do what my heart is telling me and after reading your blogger, I think its time you give up because I am, I cant hurt you and drag it out, this will probably be one hard stab to the heart but it will be the final wound in this battle of to be or not to be.
I love you I do but I cant stand to do what I have been doing to you and even though i say that i will give up everything, which i probably would if that would really save us but it wouldnt, it would delay the heartbreak. It could only delay the truth, that we arent meant to work out now, maybe never but our paths shall aways be crossed and I shall always remember what you brought to my life. You are a full chapter or two in my book of life and maybe you shall enter in later pages but who knows with this crazy life that i live.
Anything can happen... That is something I can still believe in.