God, this show is like my life. It isnt exactly the same but it sure is close. But being on house arrest and doing this day by day shit isn't working. I can't deal with any of this. I just want to be dead or in prison at least there I wont have to deal with all the shit and the looks and the constant battle of never being enough. Ill be just a number or a last name or even just a tombstone that people pass without a second thought. The last eight fucking months have been hell and I have been shutting down and I am ready to just shut down completely. At least if I go to prison, it will be a day in and day out same shit. At least than I wont have to deal with the outside world. I could do my time and come out and do something completely different.
I honestly believe that it should have been me sitting in jail or prison than her. I deserve that more than her.
God fuck this writing shit. My one passion doesnt even matter anymore.
