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Friday, September 28, 2012

Birthday weekend friday night

Going to the club with Olivia.  Emie isn't here... I'm sad. Two shots in and I just wanna sleep. . Its gonna be a long night.

Sunday, September 23, 2012

A thought lost in the wonderland of my thoughts.

<p>To think that this time just one short year ago everything seemes to be crashing down beside me. My one answer to fix it all was ending my life, riding myself off all the evil around me, riding myself from the world and letting all the lies come crashing down without me there to catch and cover them. My one way ticket to never feel anything again. My out to all the pain, my out to slowly suffocating. Truth be told since bayside I have cut, I have smoked, I have done the things that hurt me most yet make me remember that I am alive, remember that blood pulses through my veins, makes me see that I live for a reason, I'm here on this planet for a purpose. And through all the ups and downs of everything that's happened I still stand strong on knowing that I will never put in my head that my death will solve all the problems that I create inside my head in that dark place where I know I can not venture. My 18th birthday right around the corner, the day I choose so long ago to be the date I take my own life doesn't sit that way any more. That day will be a day I choose to celebrate the freedom from my childhood, my deceptive, crazy, dungeon childhood. It will be a day to change the darkness inside me to a bit brighter hidden passage. I don't think the darkness will ever fully go away but I know that this birthday will be such a change auch a relief even though so much has changed. This birthday will be about me and not the picture perfect me that so called family wants so badly. This day this birthday will be mine and I won't let anyone or anything take it away from me. I won't be the reason I won't see another day. September 27th 2012 will be a happy day a day that was made for me. It can finally be a celebration. 

Enemy of my soul.